Learning to Love
by Phoenixica24
Summary: Severus/OC. Can he move on from his past and learn to love another? Can she?
1. Chapter 1: Normality?

**A/N: Since FF has decided against allowing me a normal A/N, I apologize. First, I do not own the series or movies in any way, shape, or form. The lyrics in the song are "Phoenix Burn" by Alpha Rev. **

**Also, a quick thanks to my beta, Dest-TisMyDestiny. Thank you for working so hard on this despite being ill-get better soon!-and for doing such a great job.**

Learning to Love:

Chapter One: Normality?

Early, weak rays of sunlight broke through the fog ahead. A light figure bounded swiftly and silently over the boulders at the water's edge. Following the curve of the lake shore, the red-haired girl fairly flew along the path back to the castle.

As she passed through the shafts of light, she briefly looked up and sighed in content before focusing back on the task at hand. As she passed some invisible marker, she lengthened her stride and quickened her pace, pushing on to the finish.

Whipping out into the fields, the school grounds, she slowed, pulling her head up and trotting lightly across the grass towards the large figure waiting for her.

"Good run," Hagrid praised the young girl. "Not many magical folk could pull that time off, especially not fer that distance." Looking at her more seriously, he added "I bet yeh could hold yer own in a figh' wi'ou' magic, couldn' yeh?"

She smiled brightly, her skin glowing a rosy red, her red-gold hair falling across her face and down her back. Sweat dripped off her entire body. "Thanks, Hagrid." With that, she trotted over to a large open space and lay down, stretching various parts of her body in various ways as she gulped an entire bottle of water.

Hagrid knew Rose had grown up with muggles in America, and so wasn't surprised at her quirks. Many students or even staff that wandered out this early for the first time were shocked that she kept her strict routine of exercise. And yet...

She was undoubtedly the strongest, most physically fit human being on the grounds, she had a calm, quiet strength within. Hagrid suspected her patience came from simply being too exhausted from her runs each day to care what people said or thought about her.

And there were whispers. She had transferred mysteriously from overseas for her fourth year, and her strange accent and foreign background and lifestyle would have been enough to cause gossip alone. But then there was the fact that she couldn't use a wand. She was not Muggle, she had magic, but it was not that of a witch or wizard. Albus knew, but never told. She didn't even know, as far as anyone else knew. Why the headmaster hadn't seen fit to tell the teen what species she was was beyond anyone's comprehension.

As things were, she was kind, shy, quiet, and a normal teen in appearance. Long red-tinted hair that seemed a mix of blond, orange, and light brown. Eyes that shifted shades of blue-tinted green, deep chocolate to light brown, or a rare dazzling deep amber color. Pale-skinned, she appeared to have Irish blood, what with all her freckles, and her daily runs had given her a tan. She was short to medium in height, slender, with long limbs, thin arms, well-defined muscular legs, long, thing fingers, wide hips, and an average chest. She was very skinny, with a tiny waist, and Hagrid couldn't help but notice that she never ate much. Even though her metabolism was probably higher than anyone else in the castle's, she most likely ate the least.

Yet she seemed fine, and he knew everything she did was by choice, he saw her often enough and no one ever forced her. Hardly anyone talked to her. They always talked about her. Spreading lies and rumors behind her back. It was a tough existence.

Although she looked perfectly content at the moment, simply lying in the grass and watching the sky. As dawn crept over the lake and castle, she stood, stretched, reaching her entire body up towards the rosy colors in the sky, and turned to wave at Hagrid with a smile before vanishing into the castle.

Rose went straight to the showers, stripping off her disgustingly sweaty workout clothes while the water heated up. She stepped over to the mirror, pulling a small iPod out of her bag. Normally, neither the iPod nor the speakers with it would work, but she had shielded all her muggle electronics against magic before she arrived. She just couldn't survive without her music. Or Internet. She had yet to figure out how to get her damn radio to pick up her favorite station. Sooner or later, she would be forced to accept that seeing as her station was in Chicago, she probably wouldn't be able to receive it here no matter what. That didn't stop her from trying.

Turning on the iPod, she went through her playlists until she found the one marked 'New'. Her playlist names were usually simple. Anyone who borrowed her iPod would be able to find what they were looking for without difficulty.

Selecting her song, "Phoenix Burn" by Alpha Rev, she set the iPod and speakers on a sink and stepped into the shower. Steam filled the bathroom, fogging up the mirror as her voice flowed out of the shower with the steam, filling the room only, never daring to venture into the public hallways.

_"I need a love that, will release me, keep me honest, keep me happy, I need a peace with, understanding, trying to find, a softer landing."_

The sweet scent of her strawberry shampoo filled her nostrils, and she took the time to enjoy such a simple pleasure as strawberry scent, leaning forward to sniff the pink goo in her hands, before reaching up to gather her hair and massage it in.

_"I need to know when, I can change this, or give it up and, just embrace it, I need to find a way of letting go...When everything falls apart, I've taken too much, given up, I am twisted, burning, breaking up, I need to find a way of letting it go...When everything falls apart, I could try, but I'd never take it, yell and I will never be heard, you will be my phoenix burn, I could run, but I'd never make it, leave but I might never return, you will be my phoenix burn"_

She tilted her head back, letting the hot water flow through her now silky dark brown, almost black hair, rinsing all he white soap out of it as she ran her fingers through it. Closing her eyes, she reveled in the hot water soothing her sore muscles.

_"I need to push through, be undiscovered, find my answers, leave them uncovered, I wanna speak out, what I believe in, That love will heal us, give us our freedom, I need to know what's on the horizon, change direction, stop the fightin', I need to find a way of letting it go...When everything falls apart, I've taken too much, given up, I am twisted, burning, breaking up, I need to find a way of letting it go, When everything falls apart, I could try, but I'd never take it, yell and I will never be heard, you will be my phoenix, burn, Let me, burn," _

She let her voice flow, filling the tiny stall, filling the little bathroom, hidden in an almost-forgotten part of the castle, letting herself enjoy the privacy that gave her the courage and the confidence to sing out loud.

_ "Let me, burn, I've taken too much, given up, I am twisted, burning, breaking up, I need to find a way of letting it go, when everything falls apart, I could try, but I'd never take it, yell and I will never be heard, you will be my phoenix, burn,You will be my phoenix, burn..."_

She stepped out reluctantly, wrapping a red fluffy towel around herself and going to the mirror. Murmuring softly to it until the fog cleared away. She quickly dried herself and dressed before going to her dorm and exchanging her smelly running clothes for her school books and rushing down to breakfast. Her shower had been a little longer than normal today, and she was slightly late.

The day already being off to a bad start, what with her being late and all, she should have known it would only get worse.

Just as she stepped off the staircase in the Entrance Hall, none other than Draco Malfoy, the biggest "git" in the school (Americans had a much better word for people like him, but she didn't dare use it), and the most foolish in 'love', stepped out of the door to the dungeons.

He had a major crush on her. It didn't even matter to him that she wasn't pureblood anything, not a witch, or even purely magical, as she did have muggle blood in relevantly recent generations-Dumbledore's estimate from whatever crazy tests he'd run on her blood-or that she was in Gryffindor. According to him, she had powerful blood-like he could sense that-and everyone had heard the Hat's difficult decision. According to Malfoy, she should be in Slytherin. The hat had thought so too, but she had been so adamant about Gryffindor...

Not that she was prejudiced. She got along with just about anybody, regardless of anything different about them. She was so different herself it just didn't matter to her. But she had heard of the 'Dark Lord' and where he came from. She also heard things about the Slytherins' Head of House. She didn't like what she heard. She did not want to be that kind of person. At all.

Now, since the Sorting was over, she learned Slytherin qualities could be good, but were generally looked upon as evil tendencies. _Oh, well._ She would be having a harder time getting rid of Malfoy if she was in Slytherin, so it was a good thing after all.

She tried to duck into the throng of students headed for the Great Hall and breakfast, but Malfoy easily found her. She silently cursed her bright, distinctive hair that she normally loved as one of the few good things about herself as he grabbed her arm.

"Hello, love," he cooed disgustingly. What personality was he trying on today? Just the fact that he insisted on changing how he approached each day was a major turn-off. She wanted someone who could be himself around her and still fit with her personality.

"You know," she said, tossing her hair behind her shoulder, "You seem to change with every day that goes by. Why don't you try figuring out who you want to be before you start hitting on someone? With all the changing you do, how can you know that you and/or the girl will still like each other the next day? It's kind of cruel to just go around breaking hearts that way." she said snappily.

"The only heart that is broken is mine, because..." he trailed off, not having completed the thought process yet. She used that moment to duck away to the Gryffindor table.

Somehow she ended up in a seat with a group of second-years. She recognized the middle one as the other celebrity of the school. Harry Potter.

"Hey," she chirped brightly. "Malfoy's right annoying today. Mind if I sit with you?"

"He's always that way." Harry and the redhead-Weasley, if she remembered correctly-chimed together.

"Of course not. Pick a seat." Hermione invited, rolling her eyes at the older girl. "Boys," she whispered behind her hand. "They're all the same."

"That kind of thinking will save you a lot of pain and heartbreak some day, Hermione. Good job, and keep it up!" Rose encouraged, laughing. She sat and quickly grabbed some toast and fuit, mainly apples and strawberries. Where were the pineapples when she needed them? She wondered briefly before rummaging around her bag for her schedule. Checking it, she sighed in defeat.

"What's wrong?" Hermione asked.

"Kill me now," Rose moaned.

"History of Magic?" Harry guessed.

"Yep. Double History first thing in the morning. At least Muggle history was interesting!" Rose shook her head, sighing.

"At least there's the Dueling Club later." Ron pointed out. "You can kill Malfoy. I'll be decoy for the students. Hermione and Harry will distract the teachers with their 'breakup', which will get very violent to cover any struggle Malfoy puts up..." he went on in this vein, coming up with a completely ludicrous plan, or rather, plot, to kill Malfoy during the Dueling Club. Each new idea out of his mouth grew more and more ridiculous, until Hermione whacked him in the head with a book.

"You know that's never going to work! And honestly, Ronald..."

"Actually, it would. If I had any intention of playing along. Which I don't want to get kicked out of school. However, it did succeed in making me feel better." Rose broke in. She flashed them all a quick smile.

"I'd better get going, you know how far it is. See ya around!" she called.

"Her accent is so cuuuuute!" Several boys up and down the hall moaned. Rose rolled her eyes and waved over her shoulder at her three friends before rushing off to class.

**Reviews are worth more than gold!**


	2. Chapter 2: Anything But Normal

Learning to Love:

Chapter Two: Anything But Normal:

Severus pulled himself reluctantly out of bed, showering and dressing quickly. He checked over his plans for the day, gathering and organizing papers to hand back, papers to grade, lesson plans, potions recipes, experiments, textbooks, and leisure books. Which were still mostly potions-based. Sighing, he ran a hand over his eyes. He was exhausted already. Who knew being a teacher would be so tiring?

He looked in the mirror and put his mask of being the greasy git, dungeon bat, evil Potions Master in place, wondering how many other people wore masks like his in public. The only one who saw him without a mask anymore was Dumbledore. Sighing again, he realized he was a teacher slash Death Eater-turned-spy-for-the-Order-of-the-Phoenix. Of course no one else wore masks like his, like he did. He was anything but normal.

As he headed towards the Great Hall for breakfast, he caught sight of Draco harassing the American girl again. Even he could tell she didn't enjoy the attention. Severus himself did enjoy watching her confuse Draco in order to get away. Really, he should have learned by now they were no match.

He remembered that she was in his first double period after lunch tomorrow and sighed. Not that she wasn't a good student. She was one of the few who showed either talent or interest, and probably the only one who had both. For some reason, he hadn't scared her away from learning more yet. She wasn't a know-it-all show-off like Granger. But he knew she knew the answers. She just waited until no one else answered before raising her hand. Which was exactly what he wished Granger would do.

The day passed normally for him. Little Miss American didn't show up for lunch at all and didn't eat much for dinner. He frowned but said nothing.

Malfoy just wouldn't shut up! Hadn't she made the message clear enough? 'I don't like you!' was in everything she said and did around the boy, but she had to hand it to him, he was nothing if not egotistical, bigheaded, and persistent.

She could feel herself getting pissed and knew it was only a matter of time before she snapped at him. She had left dinner early just to avoid him, and he managed to stalk her all the way out along the lake. _Why can't he just get the message, SHUT UP AND GO AWAY!_

A red tinge descended over her vision and she growled. Actually _growled_. Like an animal.

Whipping around, she snarled "Stay away from me!" while raising her hands. A bolt of pure magical energy slammed into the twelve-year-old and threw him all the way back by the entrance to the castle. She couldn't see his face from here, but imagined his shocked look. She herself was pretty surprised. She hadn't been able to use magic as far back as she could remember, yet Dumbledore insisted she had magical blood.

Grinning, she turned and sprinted for the Headmaster's office.

Rose finally arrived at the statue that guarded Dumbledore's office, panting heavily. She stared blankly at the statue, realizing she'd forgotten the password he'd given her just yesterday! _Damn!_

"Forgotten already?" said a familiar voice, followed by a chuckle.

Rose whipped around. "I did it!"

"Did what, now?" Dumbledore asked calmly, but she caught the twinkle in his blue eyes. He knew.

"Magic!" she exclaimed breathlessly.

"Well, well. And how was it? What, may I ask, did you do with it?" he asked, looking rather amused.

Rose blushed deep red. "I...threw Malfoy from the far end of the lake to the Entrance Hall." she admitted in a rush.

Dumbledore blinked, then chuckled again. "And what did the poor boy do to deserve such a fate?"

"He won't stop flirting with me." Rose muttered bitterly.

"Then I'm afraid you may have just made your situation worse."

"Huh?" she gave him a puzzled look.

"The Malfoys are an ancient pureblood family, Rose. They prize money and power above all else. What you did was raw power, and lots of it." he replied.

Rose growled again. It was the Headmaster's turn to look rather confused.

"Where did you learn to growl like that?"

"...I don't remember." Rose said after a moment. Then she shrugged. "Does it really matter?"

"Not much. I was merely curious." Albus said lightly. "Keep practicing, Rose, but please try to refrain from throwing anyone else around. We don't want any fatalities, however accidental they may be."

"Yes, sir." Rose muttered darkly. "As long as Malfoy stays _far_ away from me." she added quickly before turning and leaving Dumbledore to blink at her sudden departure, and then break out into full laughter for the first time in a long time.

"Young Mr. Malfoy better watch his steps." he muttered. "That look in her eyes...she means business."

Severus stepped back into the Great Hall to see Lockhart striding around like a pompous peacock, bossily directing house-elves and colleagues with minimal difference in how he addressed them.

Sighing, Severus made his way over.

"Why, hello, Severus! Would you mind being my 'assisstant' for the demonstration?" the fool asked, as though he, Severus Snape, should be honored by this position!

Instead he felt nauseous. He just knew something bad was going to happen. Nothing good could possibly come out of anything directed by Lockhart. Absolutely nothing.

"I suppose." he replied as coldly as he could. "At the present moment, however, I must find and speak with the Headmaster. I suppose you wouldn't happen to know his whereabouts?"

"I would try his office before asking, myself. Otherwise he should be somewhere between here and there." Lockhart answered with a garish smile and dramatic wink.

Swallowing the bile that rose in his throat, along with the urge to hex Lockhart into another world, far from him, Severus turned and left.

As he was passing the library, he heard someone sobbing in the girls' lavatory, but passed on by. Probably some heartbroken upperclassman. Whatever kept them away from this ridiculous Dueling Club could very well save their lives. And Severus Snape was anything but dramatic.

Rose gathered her things and left the bathroom where she'd been lying on the floor crying and drowning in homesickness for she didn't know how long. She wandered down towards the library, and met some sixth-year Ravenclaws on their way to the Great Hall for the Dueling Club.

_Even though I can't use a wand...why not? I'll go watch._ She decided.

By the time she'd wandered down, it had already started. She slipped inside and stood in a corner by the door, watching silently.

Rose got a little frightened when she saw the snake-not that she had anything against snakes, but seeing one unexpectedly in a school was probably not a good sign.

Soft footsteps drew her attention and she looked up. Right in front of her, Professor Snape strode easily forward, brandishing his wand once. The snake disappeared.

But with the snake's disappearance came something else. As Rose looked up, her heart beat faster. The light on his hair, his eyes...what was she thinking? Why was he looking at her like that?

_Oh my God! I did not just...NO! I need to get out of here!_

Rose did the only sensible thing: She turned and ran. Out to the lake.

Severus felt someone's gaze on him. Okay, everyone was staring at him. But this gaze felt different. He turned, and there she was. That bloody American transfer. A witch without magic. Why had Albus taken her in in the first place was beyond him. And now, the way she was looking at him, well, he'd never felt like this before. Not even close.

Although she did remind him of Lily. A lot. Her red hair, the way she moved, the way she spoke, not so much her accent, but her thought process. Her sweet innocence.

_What...she's a student! A STUDENT!_

Even as he mentally reprimanded himself for his thoughts, her eyes widened and she turned and fled. Neither noticed Dumbledore standing in the shadows, the sparkle that was normally in his eyes gone. Instead, he looked rather thoughtful.

The next morning passed relatively easily for Rose. She somehow managed to forget about the Dueling Club and Snape until lunchtime. When she realized she had double Potions next hour.

_ Damn! Of all the times...and why double? Are they trying to drive me insane?_

But of course they didn't know. How could they? She had only developed a crush on her teacher yesterday! No one but her knew!

Looking up at the High Table, she caught his eye and quickly turned back to her food. _Oh, God, why was he looking at me? Does he know? Is it true he can read minds? I have to get out of here!_

She got up and fled, going straight to her next class-which happened to be Potions.

Severus got up and left the table without eating much. He pretended not to notice the worried look Albus gave him. He couldn't tell the Headmaster that after all these years he'd fallen for a fourth-year student! All because of a silly accent!

As he strode off to the classroom, he realized he had her in his next class-which was a double period!

_Of all the times...well, I'll get through it somehow. She's normally so quiet. I wonder why?-_

he cut off the thought as he entered the dungeons.

**All right, since FF has officially decided not to allow me my normal A/N, I will relocate to down here. Sorry DX**

**Thank you to my beta Dest for doing this for me despite the fact I've been sending her quite a bit of work recently, and I realize school is coming up. Thank you! XD**

**Please review-I appreciate anything you can give me. If you wish me to continue this story, you probably have to review as school, marching band, and cross country will soon steal away all my writing time. So...*pathetic puppy-dog begging face* I really actually have a plan for this please don't let me drop it!  
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	3. Chapter 3: Bonding

Learning to Love:

Chapter 3:Bonding:

After lunch, he went back to his classroom, a little surprised to find her waiting outside already. Had she even eaten anything?

"Ms. Smith." he greeted her as he went by.

She dipped her head a little and murmured "Professor." Lifting her head, her eyes met his for an instant. They were clear, intelligent, bored, and rather sad...

He caught himself staring and blinked, breaking whatever strange connection that had been. She merely blinked and returned to staring at the opposite wall, completely ignoring him.

She stared blankly at the wall in front of her, leaning next to the entrance to the Potions classroom. Soft footsteps echoed off the walls, but she did not turn. Professor Snape passed in front of her quietly.

"Ms. Smith." he said, startling her. Was she in trouble? No, just a greeting. She sighed internally. So formal here. She preferred the more relaxed atmosphere of her home country.

"Professor." she replied, equally formally. Not that she couldn't deal with it, but that didn't mean she had to like it.

Her gaze flicked up for a moment, wondering briefly what he was thinking. _Probably something along the lines of "Americans, they're all crazy." _she thought, almost bitterly.

Her heart jumped in her chest as she realized he was looking at her. More accurately, staring at her!

Confusion, concern, and curiosity filled his eyes for a moment, before he blinked, startled. She returned her gaze to the wall, knowing he had read her emotions through her eyes and wanting to prevent any further intrusion into her mind. That was private, the only privacy she'd ever had.

He stood there for a moment longer, then went inside.

Severus entered the classroom swiftly, not giving himself time to puzzle over the American standing outside. He gathered his plans and went back out into the hallway to wait for the students. Rose wasn't there anymore. He felt both relieved and a little concerned. _Maybe she went back for breakfast..._ But at least he wouldn't have to deal with her.

Rose stood leaning against one wall and staring blankly at the opposite wall for a few minutes before suddenly turning and running away, down the hallway. She skidded around several corners before she found a bathroom, or 'lavatory' as these damn British called it. Why was everything so different here? Where were her friends when she needed them most?

_Why? Why? Why?_ She sobbed, breaking down yet again.

Not even Hagrid had seen past her facade, but how much longer could she keep it up? She was homesick, hurt, and bleeding inside. Slowly going insane.

She wasn't sure how long she just lay there, on the floor. Until the warning bell rang. She reluctantly pulled herself up and went back to the classroom, barely slipping in before the final bell.

Professor Snape gave her a look, which she assumed meant she was in trouble, but he didn't say anything. Yet.

Severus held the door, knowing she was somewhere nearby. The girl may be foreign, but he had to hand it to her-she was never late.

And she did make it-just barely. He looked at her, contemplating detention, but something told him not to. Instead, he turned with a swirl of billowing robes and strode swiftly to the front of the classroom.

"Today you will be brewing..." he began coldly. As he spoke, his eyes swept over the students. All stared at him with varying degrees of fear and boredom in their eyes. Except her.

The American. The Mystery. She had many names here at Hogwarts. And yet, although her gaze, too, was focused on him, she had neither fear nor boredom in her gaze. Instead, she looked...sad. Hurt. Depressed.

Looking closer, he realized she was extremely pale, and most likely very skinny under her too-loose robes. As he set them free to brew, he kept a watchful gaze on her. She may be skinny, but she was strong. Lifting her cauldron easily, with none of the groans like from the other students. She was also different in the way she approached the task. Not as an inevitable doom, but she almost seemed to enjoy it.

Until that klutz Fairwayne sauntered past, trying to flirt with poisonous-and wrong, ingredients in his hands. Damn him!

Severus strode quickly in their direction, however, the area around them was crowded and he was on the other side of the room.

"Move!" he snarled. "Ms. Smith, Mr. Fairwayne, MOVE NOW!" The young girl turned as her potion began to boil over, smoking heavily. She merely gave it a puzzled look and reached for her book. Fairwayne jumped, then realized his hands were empty, he had dropped his ingredients in her potion, and a very angry Potions Master was headed his way. He tossed a flirty comment over his shoulder as he fled quickly.

Severus pushed his way through the panicking students as that damned American finally looked up. "Get away from that cauldron!" he yelled. She finally seemed to realize the danger and backed into the corner behind her-which wasn't much safer. It wasn't until she took two running steps forward that he realized her intent.

He skidded to a stop and reached out, already knowing she wouldn't make it on her own. Better their reputations down the drain than her life.

Rose was pissed. First, that idiot Henry had tried to be all flirty and screwed up her potion, now she was stuck behind the exploding cauldron. She would kill him as soon as she got out of the Hospital Wing! For she knew she would end up there if she didn't act fast.

With this knowledge, she did the first thing that came to mind: Backed up for a running start, and leaped over the cauldron.

Unfortunately for her, her stubbornness had already doomed her. Her determination to fix the potion had taken too long, and the cauldron exploded beneath her.

The explosion knocked her out of the air, sending her careening down towards the floor, headfirst.

Or rather, into someone's very strong arms.

A blinding white light filled the room and the hallways. People walking by in the Entrance Hall turned to stare. It grew until it filled the castle so that the school looked like a fallen star. Soft music flowed through the light, as it changed, becoming gold, red, silver, green, and a light crystal blue.

In his study, Albus Dumbledore's eyes grew as big as an owl's. He vaguely remembered hearing of this. If he was right, it explained everything! He moved quickly to his books as the light dimmed and faded. Gathering several books, he started downstairs, rushing after the light, following it to the dungeons.

_Severus...! And...no! Impossible! He's only ever loved Lily, however much Rose may be like her!_

Light, colors, music...Voices in her head. Screaming, begging, harsh, cold, and cruel. Images flashed through her mind, memories that weren't hers. Green light, dead bodies. Cold, dark. A cold man, cruel and evil. Bowing before him-_I would never!_

She pushed the memories back, but found she couldn't erase them. They were hers now, although she had never and hoped she would never experience that kind of pain. Pain had accompanied every sound, every image, every movement.

She could feel shock beyond her own, hers and someone else's. _My mind has been invaded! Oh, God, what now?...Erin, Kailey, I'm sorry..._ Everything faded, and darkness took over.

Colorful light and bright, happy music. Triumphant, even. Memories, memories of a happy childhood like he had never had. Sunlight, pools, cakes, presents. School, running, running so hard it hurt to breathe. Collapsing, sick. _This isn't me..._

A woman on a white bed, in a white hall. People running, screaming. He was short, tiny. Very young. Running down the hall after them. A man pushed past, his father? No, _her_ father! He was seeing her memories! That woman...must be her mother. Dying. She was so young, so tiny.

In a Muggle hospital room, the woman called out weakly. Alone. Rose crept in, "Mom?"

"Come here, Kiladakashia. Come." The girl tiptoed over. "Mommy, don't leave me!"

"I will come back." the woman said softly. She pulled out a crystal necklace. "I'm going to make this invisible, Kila, and I want you to wear it always. It contains your powers, your life source. Never take it off! When you are of age, it will release your magic. Be careful, my love. I will come back for you then." the woman hung the necklace around her daughter's neck "Be safe, my daughter, my phoenix. Be strong." she whispered before leaning back and closing her eyes.

Opening his eyes, Severus realized he was kneeling on the floor with Rose in his arms. The students around them stared silently for a few moments, then started panicking.

"ENOUGH! SILENCE!" a voice roared. Severus could barely maintain consciousness. Rose had already fainted.

"Up you get, come on, Hospital Wing, now..."

"Albus?" Severus whispered. His head pounded and he felt sick. Someone tried to take Rose but for some reason, he couldn't let them.

"Easy now, you're in no condition to carry her...Come, she's safe now..."

"Let him."

Corridors, blurry pictures that whispered. _And there goes my reputation..._

Madam Pomfrey came rushing out. "Girl, bed, here." she said "You, bed, there. NOW!"

_She must be worried..._

He did as he was told, oddly reluctant to let the girl go, laying down so he could still see her. Until he passed out.

**A/N: Okay thank you to my beta Dest for such a great job! And great timing-three chapters in in less than an hour! Might post them, might not. *teasing*. Reviews people! REVIEWS WORK!**

**Sorry about the lack of clear changes between PoVs. I don't know why they weren't where I put them...*confusion* I'll try to fix that...Promise.**


	4. Chapter 4: Legends

Learning to Love:

Chapter Four: Legends:

Severus opened his eyes to white. He lay there, confused, for a moment before realizing he was in the Hospital Wing. As he tried to sit up, a firm hand pushed him back down.

"Stay." Poppy said firmly. "Down."

Severus obeyed for once and lay back down, trying to ease his throbbing head and swimming vision.

Looking closer, he realized there were no medicines or bandages anywhere, no sign that they had been treated. Albus was there as well, looking happy, worried, and mischievous.

"Albus? What happened?" Severus demanded.

"Well...Rose's powers awoke yesterday." Albus said, maddeningly avoiding the subject.

"And? What does that have to do with this fiasco?" the irate Potions Master asked, not understanding yet.

"Well, her magic recognized you...-"

"What? How-?"

"And you bonded."

That definitely did not sound good. "Bonded...how?"

"Something you must understand beforehand. Rose is no ordinary being. Neither muggle nor witch."

"We knew that already. So why is she here? What 'powers' does she now have?"

"She always had them-only hidden. As for what they are, I do not know the extent, but she can time-travel at will, shape-shift, heal, control elements, and anything we can do."

"Sounds too good to be true. What exactly is she?"

"It sounds like it, but there are a few catches that I know of. She is one of the last remaining beings of her kind. The last of her species. She is completely alone. On this planet, anyway. I believe she is Atlantian. Earth is their second home planet, although they died out here long ago."

"The Lost Empire..." Severus whispered. "So it exists?"

"Existed. No one knows where it is."

"Could she find it?"

"Most likely."

"What's the catch?"

"Everything she does she takes from her own life force. No, it won't shorten her life. The Atlantians worshipped a Krystal, it's not a rock of any sort, but a very strong collection of spirits from their ancestors. It grants them longevity and certain powers to the royal. Commonfolk Atlantians would be humans with longer life spans and their Krystal necklaces. Each Atlantian is born with a fragment of the Krystal around their neck. This is their life force, their spirit. If it is taken from them, they will die. The fact that Rose does not appear to have one is extraordinary. These fragments grant them the power to heal and to build, along with longevity. They are not immortal, but they can live up to a several millennia I believe. Only their gods are immortal."

"I thought they worshipped this Krystal?"

"That is the highest form of deity for them. They also have a race of gods, which are almost a separate species. These gods worship the same Krystal, with the same limits. However, they are immortal, and their natural form is not completely human. These are the shape-shifters, the ones with more powers. I believe Rose is one of them."

"A goddess of an extinct empire?"

"In a way, yes."

Severus looked over at the sleeping girl and raised an eyebrow. "That?"

"Yes." Albus chuckled. Then his face grew more serious. Her powers were bound in her soul-the fragment of Krystal which should be around her neck. They were released as she came of age and her emotions grew rough. Young Mr. Malfoy annoyed her enough that her powers were freed and she threw him clear across the lake into the castle yesterday evening."

Severus whistled softly. That was impressive.

"As her first use of magic, not even consciously, I might add, it is the weakest magic she will ever perform."

Severus' eyes were huge by now. "The catch?"

Albus looked sad. "It is believed that the Atlantians died because they chose to imprison the Krystal. You see, they loved their rulers, the royal family. But in order to protect their city, the Krystal would choose one of royal blood, usually female, to take inside of itself, as a sort of sacrifice, if you will. It would feed upon their lives. It could be a mortal or immortal royal."

"She's not royal, is she?"

"She may very well be. I met an Atlantian goddess-whom I believe is now Queen, many years ago. She was several months pregnant, caught in a time-trap. She said the child's father was a mortal pirate from our 17th century. A Pirate Lord and sometimes captain."

"'sometimes captain'?"

Albus eyes twinkled. "The way I understood it, he had some competition and a difficult time holding on to his ship."

Severus shook his head. "So this girl is all kinds of powerful and royal, with few minor restrictions, who knows how old really, and she 'bonded' with me how?"

"There are more. Her kind are so few because of this bonds. You see, it is a soul mate bonding. Her spirit recognized yours as her 'other half' if you will, and you are now bonded. Meaning you can find each other without maps, hear each other's thoughts unless carefully shielded, and feel each other's emotions-again, unless carefully shielded. There may be more, but it has been so long since one of these...they are so rare."

Severus just sat, dumbfounded. "This killed off their race how?"

"Well, think about it. You are a mortal wizard."

Understanding dawned on the other man's face. "So...they bonded with mortals?"

"As there became fewer and fewer of them, yes. Of course, bonding with mortals made their numbers even smaller. Also, I think they have their own war out on other planets. But I don't know."

"Is Rose the daughter of this Queen Goddess?"

"I don't know. She-Kida, I believe her name was-tried to go back to her husband. I don't know if she made it or not. Rose was born in this time, though. She is an infant by her people's standards-meaning fourteen human years old."

Severus stared at her for a moment. "Does she know all this?"

"Most of it-the background of her people, the Krystal, your bonding-she will know instinctively or figure out for herself soon. She may not know her heritage, her parents, or much about her powers. We have no one to teach her and not much knowledge of what she can and can't do. We will have to be very cautious in her training. I have some books Kida left me, and know a way of contacting her. She will know Rose's bloodlines and what to do."

"What about us?" Severus asked.

"I do not know. For now, she will stay here. You can decide what to do with your relationship. I only request that your rooms be used for privacy and that this stays between us and some select staff."

"Lockhart cannot know."

"That is why I said 'select staff'. He will not, I can assure you."

Severus felt a new consciousness in the back of his mind and panicked for a moment. Albus watched him curiously then looked over at Rose. _Oh._

"She's waking up."

**A/N: Thank you once more to my beta Dest! Amazing job!**

** Let me know what you think about this A/U section-this is only the beginning!**

**Rewards for those who correctly guess the two other movie series mentioned in this chapter. *Hint: Her parents.***


	5. Chapter 5: Rejection

Learning to Love:

Chapter 5: Rejected:

Rose stirred, mumbling something in her sleep. Severus froze. It was almost amusing for Albus. The poor man had been alone for so long, the very thought of having someone in his life-intimately, even-scared him to death. Especially after the pain Lily caused him.

Rose finally, blearily opened her eyes. Severus felt a rush of peace, calm, that he was pretty sure came from her. She sat up without being bothered by the nurse and seemed to realize his presence in her mind. Panicking, she scrambled off the bed and fell on the floor. Poppy turned and yelped. Severus caught her easily, and she froze. He could feel her embarrassment, the way her heart was racing. He carefully shielded his own mind and pushed her back on the bed, stalking out of the Hospital Wing without a word.

Rose stared after him, not quite comprehending. Then she blinked, and her eyes filled with tears. _What did I do...?_

He could hear her wondering what she'd done wrong, but he shielded his thoughts from her. She just wasn't Lily.

She stared blankly at the door for a moment, then slowly got up and walked towards it. Albus watched her, confused. She made it to the door and started running. Out towards the lake. He'd seen her go out there often enough he didn't worry, instead going back to his office. Something he would regret greatly later.

He could feel pain, inexhaustible pain flowing through this new bond before he blocked her out completely.

She ran hard, and far. When she reached the opposite shore of the lake she just kept going, plunging headlong into the forest. Hagrid stared after her for a minute, then went to go find the Headmaster. Quickly. Somehow, he knew something was very wrong.

Rose kept going, blinded by tears, crashing through the forest as fast as her legs would carry her. She slammed into a tree, staggered, and stumbled around it. Blood ran into her eyes, but she couldn't feel any pain except that which raged inside her. Yet.

The forest thinned, and she fell out onto the rocks, at the foot of a mountain. She kept going, not knowing nor caring where she was or where she was headed, or how she would get back. She just ran.

As she collapsed on the side of the mountain, she reached into he pocket and pulled out her iPod. Turning it on, "Easier to Run" by Linkin Park echoed across the valley. And she ran.

_It's easier to run, Replacing this pain with something numb, It's so much easier to go, Than face all this pain here all alone, Something has been taken from deep inside of me, The secret I've kept locked away no one can ever see, Wounds so deep they never show they never go away, Like moving pictures in my head for years and years they've played, If I could change I would take back the pain I would, Retrace every wrong move that I made I would, If I could stand up and take the blame I would, If I could take all the shame to the grave I would, If I could change I would take back the pain I would, Retrace every wrong move that I made I would, If I could stand up and take the blame I would, I would take all my shame to the grave, It's easier to run, Replacing this pain with something numb, It's so much easier to go, Than face all this pain here all alone, Sometimes I remember the darkness of my past, Bringing back these memories I wish I didn't have, Sometimes I think of letting go and never looking back, And never moving forward so there'd never be a past, If I could change I would take back the pain I would, Retrace every wrong move that I made I would, If I could stand up and take the blame I would, If I could take all the shame to the grave I would, If I could change I would take back the pain I would, Retrace every wrong move that I made I would, If I could stand up and take the blame I would, I would take all my shame to the grave, Just washing it aside, All of the helplessness inside, Pretending I don't feel misplaced, It's so much simpler than change, It's easier to run, Replacing this pain with something numb, It's so much easier to go, Than face all this pain here all alone, It's easier to run, If I could change I would take back the pain I would, Retrace every wrong move that I made, It's easier to go, If I could change I would take back the pain I would, Retrace every wrong move that I made I would, If I could stand up and take the blame I would, I would take all my shame to the grave  
><em> As the song ended, she fell to the ground, pulling a small pocketknife out of her pocket. She tore at her own skin, trying desperately to release some of her pain. She only came out of her trance when she slipped in the mud around her. _Mud...? This wasn't mud before._

Shock, unbelievable shock filled her mind. She stared, horrified. _Blood, blood everywhere...I didn't mean for this! Not this bad!_

_"Blood, blood everywhere..."_ _Where?_ _"I didn't mean for this!" What has she done...?_

Her consciousness was fading fast, horror and shock mingling with her fear. _What has she done...?_

Albus was more than a little surprised when Hagrid burst into his office, clearly panicked.

"What is it, Rubeus?" he asked, concerned.

"Rose...ran...forest..." Hagrid gasped, clearly having run himself.

"Oh, dear. Go fetch Severus for me, please. Meet me in the Entrance Hall immediately." Albus stood and led the way out. Hagrid trailed behind.

"Why 'im?" the larger man asked, confused.

"Trust me." was the only reply he got.

Severus froze. He knew something was wrong. He'd known she would be hurt, but the pain coming across the bond was too much for such a little rejection. There was something else...

He was already in the Entrance Hall, on his way out, when Hagrid and Dumbledore appeared.

"Rose apparently ran into the forest. Do you know where she is now?" Albus asked. Hagrid looked between the two of them, confused.

" 'Ow would 'e know?" he asked.

"Trust me." Albus replied again.

Severus closed his eyes for a moment. _Where are you?_ He demanded.

No answer. He tried making the bond stronger, till he could see through her eyes. Everything was blurry and red. She coughed, pain tearing at her throat. _What are you...?_

_WHERE. ARE. YOU._

_I don't know..._

He swore violently, glad there were no students in the hall.

Both Albus and Hagrid jumped, staring at him like he'd gone insane.

"She's bleeding-a lot. Doesn't know where she is. Can't see. She can't breathe and her throat hurts."

"She's dying." Albus said calmly. Severus turned on him, moments away from hexing him into seventh heaven before Hagrid stepped between them.

"The only thing we can do is go look and pray we're not too late. Hexing me won't help her." Albus told him calmly. Severus glared at him, furious.

"If she dies..."

"Just to be fair, I must point out I was not the one who rejected her and caused this." Albus said, his eyes suddenly cold. Severus froze. He'd never have thought she would have gone this far just because he'd walked out on her!

_Why?_

No answer again. He knew she'd heard him!

_WHY?_

_Would you want to live if your family hated you and your own 'soul mate' left you without even giving you a chance?_ She thought back weakly.

His heart almost stopped. _Damn! _

He knew she was tired, exhausted. _Don't you dare go to sleep!_

_Or what? I'm already dying. _

He hadn't even realized they'd left the castle, and they were already on the far shore of the lake. Hagrid silently pointed out where he'd seen her enter the forest, and they followed. Luckily, there was a pretty obvious route of destruction through the forest. Severus internally panicked every time they saw blood. And there was lots of it, often.

The fact that she calmly admitted she was dying scared him even more.

_You. Will. Fight._

_ No. What more can this world do to me for refusing? What more can it offer me as a bribe?Nothing._

_ Please..._

_ Why? You don't care._

_ If I didn't care I wouldn't be out here damnit!_

_ Why are y-_

He stared up at the impossible slope. The only trail left to follow was the blood, leading straight up.

"How was she still standing?" he wondered out loud.

Albus merely shook his head. "I do not know. She is very strong."

The three of them simply Apparated to the last visible part of the bloody trail. They did this three more times before they caught sight of her, and Apparated to her side.

Again, Severus felt his heart stop beating. The fourteen-year-old girl lay in a pool of blood, soaked in it. He heard and ignored the shocked gasps from behind him and cursed. He scooped her up without a word and Apparated to the gates. Striding quickly for the Hospital Wing, for once he didn't worry about his reputation.

She lay in her own blood and knew she was dying. Maybe she hadn't meant for it to go this far, but she was kind of glad to go. No more pain, no more heartbreak. She could take whatever Hell threw at her, it couldn't be worse than here.

She was barely conscious as someone picked her up, gently, and she was unconscious when they arrived at the gate.

**Thanks again to my beta Dest!**

**Lyrics are "Easier to Run" by Linkin Park.**

**Please let me know what you think so far!**


	6. Chapter 6: Pain

Learning to Love:

Chapter 6: Pain:

Madam Pomfrey clucked disapprovingly. The second time in two days he had brought the same girl to the Hospital Wing unconscious!

Except this time there was blood.

He laid her gently on a bed and stepped back slightly, letting Poppy do her job. She ignored him except for the first disapproving look.

His heart pounded, he couldn't breathe. He needed out, but he couldn't leave her side.

_This is all my fault...if only I'd..._ but he didn't know what he could've done, should've done.

He was only vaguely aware of Albus coming to stand by him until the elder man spoke.

"You can't always lock yourself away with only memories, Severus. I know Lily was dear to you, but you can't let that get in the way." He looked up. "This girl, I am sure you have noticed she is very similar to Lily? And yet, she is better. She could never choose another over you."

"Her fate is decided without her choice." Severus growled. "That's not fair."

"It is her choice. She looked at you and fell in love. When her kind love, they love forever."

"How is that her choice?" Severus asked, glaring at his employer.

Albus sighed. "Just as you choose to ignore her so coldly, she chooses to feel the pain it's causing her. She is not fighting this like you are. That is her choice."

Severus looked at the girl on the bed. She was so pale, and there was so much blood...

"It's too late." he whispered brokenly. Still fighting.

Albus sighed again, heavily. He lightly rested a hand on the younger, heartbroken man's shoulder. "She is strong. Do not doubt her. See?"

Severus felt her awakening before Albus saw her eyelids twitch.

Pain...endless pain...

_OOOOOOWWWWW..._she moaned mentally. It hurt so much...she just wanted to black out again.

_Did you honestly think it wouldn't hurt?_ Asked his sarcastic voice in her mind. She pushed him away.

_I didn't expect to survive! The whole point was actually NOT to survive!_ She could feel his mental cringe. She was majorly pissed.

_What the hell was that for?Do you WANT me to live with this pain?_

_ No..._

_ Then why? Why?_ She was close to crying now. He could feel the pain coming off her in waves.

Poppy noticed her getting distressed, and glared at him. He slipped between her and the wall and sat on the edge of the bed. She opened her mouth to protest, but Albus stopped her and led her away, giving the two some privacy in which to work this out.

She could feel a hand stroking her hair, gently, hesitantly, as though whoever it was thought they would get slapped. But it felt too nice...

She tried to turn over so she could sleep but found herself pressed up against something warm and solid. Gentle hands pulled her head onto someone's lap, and she curled up into a little ball on her side and fell asleep quickly.

He was surprised when she didn't push him away as he started stroking her hair, hoping to calm her down. She curled up against his side, and he pulled her head onto his lap, hesitant, knowing that if she were fully conscious, this would not be happening. But she fell asleep almost instantly.

_I wonder if I could see her dreams? Or memories? Could she see mine? How? Sheer will?_ He tried, but got nothing.

_I could go ask Albus..._ but he'd have to leave her and he didn't want to do that just yet. He wasn't even sure why almost losing her had hurt so much. He'd barely met the girl!

Hours later, he realized he'd missed all his classes for the day, and dinner as well. He didn't care anymore. His reputation that he'd worked so hard to build was probably already shattered, and he wasn't hungry. He left only when Albus came to drag him out and Poppy threw him out the door.

They insisted he sleep, so he went back to his rooms and drank himself to sleep for the first time since he'd gone to Albus after Lily died.

Rose woke alone, in the dark. Not a good situation considering what she'd recently been through. It did give her time to think things through. She knew he was asleep, and therefore had no idea she was awake or what she was thinking.

_I can't believe he would do that...he's making me live with this, this pain..._

She reached into her pocket and pulled out her iPod. She turned it on and found the song she wanted.

_"Strangers...Strangers...World's greatest lovers, last week we were strangers...Two strangers passing in the hallway, barely touch each other's hands, and now they're pretending, two shadows blending, though they're a million miles apart...Soon she'll be packing up her suitcase, they'll be dividing all the blame, they know how they started, but now, empty-hearted, they don't have a clue how they became...Strangers...World's greatest lovers, and now they are strangers..."_

Well, he was a stranger to her and she was a stranger to him. But...No. Songs didn't always relate to her life completely. Like the fact he'd rejected her on the spot. Tears welled up in her eyes as she remembered. All she wanted was to go home.

The pain filled her, tearing at her. It grew so intense it woke him up. She could sense him waking up, but ignored it until he spoke to her.

_What now?_

_Nothing. Just go away._

_ Not possible, seeing as you woke me up. What happened?_

_ NOTHING._

She knew he was getting exasperated and hoped he got the message-she was willing to sit here all night arguing with him, and she knew she would win. She could also tell it annoyed the hell out of him that she was so stubborn.

_Must you always insist on being on your own?_

His question startled her, enough that her control slipped, revealing everything to him.

He only got brief flashes of memory, but enough knowledge that he knew she'd struggled all her life. Sighing, he knew they needed to talk.

_Can you sneak out? _He asked her.

He could tell she was shocked beyond being capable of speech. Then she turned suspicious.

_We need to talk, and I would prefer Madam Pomfrey not overhearing._

She understood then, although she was still reluctant. But why?

_Yes. Where?_

_ I'll meet you in the Entrance Hall._

He got up and left, carefully.

She climbed slowly and silently out of bed before tiptoeing over to the door. She eased it open and slipped out into the hallway, the surge of freedom closing up her throat and making her dizzy. She hated being confined. She knew he could feel that, and was curious, but he kept to himself.

She slipped silently along, until her spaced-out mind came up with a thought that stopped her. She smirked and quickly hid the impulse. Now he was definitely curious, but she kept to herself as she reached the top of the stairs in the Entrance Hall.

Scanning the Hall, she saw no sign of him, but she could sense him. Over by the door to the dungeons. Waiting. He didn't know exactly where she was. She smirked to herself. Time to see how he would react to a little fun.

She hoisted herself up onto the railing and leapt lightly down, landing silently beside him. Stifling her giggles, she realized her time was running out as he picked up on her excitement and grew suspicious. She jumped up onto his back piggyback-style, and felt a rush of joy as she realized he hadn't known her plan.

She would have broken out laughing if he hadn't whipped around, pinning her back up against a wall.

"What was that?" he growled. She swallowed nervously. Now he was pissed as hell.

"A test." she replied teasingly.

Silence.

She sighed. "You fail." She could feel the shock and confusion emanating from him. Even more so when he picked up on her mood change from sly to excited to depressed.

She twisted away from him and walked outside. He followed, silently.

Severus was left with no idea what was going on. He could only follow her and hope either she would explain or her control would slip again. Why her memories were always so carefully guarded-and well, too, for someone who had never once had Occlumency training-was a mystery to him.

Sure, magical children struggled in Muggle schools, but that was more because of accidental magic than anything else. She had never used magic up until she threw poor Malfoy all the way across the lake into the Entrance Hall. As far as he knew, anyway.

_Yes, that was the first and only time the magic affected anything._

"How do you use magic without affecting anything?" he asked curiously. He knew she was powerful, but power that didn't change anything...wasn't power.

"I know more about myself than he thinks I do. My element, how it works." she clarified. "And I use it."

Not letting himself get distracted was getting harder and harder, but he picked up his pace until he was right beside the tiny, slender little figure. "What, how...? Why didn't you tell him?"

"Why should I? Why should I trust any of you?" she retorted, not angrily, calmly. She lifted her clear amber gaze to meet his dark one.

"We saved you!"

"From _what_? A life where I was happy?" she hissed, angry now.

"Then where did all that pain come from?" he asked, narrowing his eyes. "Because it's been there all your life, not just since you came here and lost your supposedly happy life."

She sighed.

Rose knew she wasn't going to win. "Fine." she said. "I'll show you."

**A/N: I'M HOOME! Lolz XD Please review! So sorry about the lack of updates, but I just had DVC for cross country, meaning I only have our rivalry meet against East on Tuesday before I'm done, and I have a performance Thursday for band class and one more halftime show of the year and then marching band is over until the DC trip next summer! But of course no one cares...Except the fact that I'll be writing more and my FF anniversary/birthday is coming up next month! I want to finish a story by then and this is the most likely one. Reviews will help! -No one guessed the two movie series mentioned a few chapters back. I'm sad...-DX**


	7. Chapter 7: True Self

**A/N: Sorry for the wait! I'm hoping to update more often as school's letting out soon! Thanks to my beta Azzie(Inkfire)! Enjoy!  
><strong>

Learning to Love:

Chapter Seven: True Self:

Severus could only stare as she stepped out onto the lake, walking out across the surface of the water to the middle as music filled the air. Her voice joined the music, a beautiful, flowing melody that he couldn't believe came from her, scarred as she was.

_ "Do you ever feel like breaking down?, Do you ever feel out of place?, Like somehow you just don't belong, and no one understands you?, Do you ever wanna run away?, Do you lock yourself in your room?, With the radio on, turned up so loud, that no one hears you screaming?, No you don't know what it's like, when nothing feels alright, You don't know what it's like, to be like me...To be hurt, to feel lost, to be left out in the dark, to be kicked, when you're down, and feel like you've been pushed around, to be on the edge of breaking down, when no one's there to save you, no you don't know what it's like...welcome to my life...Do you wanna be somebody else?, Are you sick of feeling so left out?, Are you desperate to find something more, before your life is over?, Are you stuck inside a world you hate?, Are you sick of everyone around?, With the big fake smiles and stupid lies, while deep inside, you're bleeding, no you don't know what it's like, when nothing feels alright, no you don't know what it's like, to be like me...to be hurt, to feel lost, to be left out in the dark, to be kicked, when you're down, and feel like you've been pushed around, to be on the edge of breaking down, and no one's there to save you...no you don't know what it's like...welcome to my life!...No one ever lied straight to your face, and no one ever stabbed you in the back, You might think I'm happy, but I'M NOT GONNA BE OKAY!,...Everybody always gave you what you wanted, you never had to work, it was always there, you don't know what it's like, what it's like...to be hurt, to feel lost, to be left out in the dark, to be kicked, when you're down, and feel like you've been pushed around, to be on the edge of breaking down, and no one's there to save you, no you don't know what it's like... to be hurt, to feel lost, to be left out in the dark, to be kicked, when you're down, and feel like you've been pushed around, to be on the edge of breaking down, and no one's there to save you, no you don't know what it's like...welcome to my life!...welcome to my life!...welcome to my life..._

He was lost in the lights, the colors that swirled around her as she twirled around over the surface of the lake, music filling the air, and her voice blending with it all, creating the most amazing show he'd ever seen. But still...that wasn't power.

"However brilliant that little show was, how does this prove anything?" he asked calmly.

She sighed. _Why I'm stuck with a blithering idiot I will never know..._

"I'm not an idiot!" he growled.

"Really? You remind me a lot of my first boyfriend. Emotionless. I knew there was a reason he worked with robots-he couldn't understand the beautiful complexity of humanity and emotions and so buried himself in the only thing he could understand-that which is killing this planet!" she snarled back.

Severus was shocked. _Where in bloody hell did all THAT come from?_

_I knew no one would understand..._her mind whimpered. She didn't even bother trying to hide her pain this time. However, that proved to serve a greater purpose, as it warned Severus in enough time to grab her arm before she took off running again.

"Whoa, slow down. Try me. Explain." he prodded. "What element was that?"

She sighed again. "It wasn't just one. No one uses just one element, that would be too simple and boring. The element I just used was the base of humanity-hence my 'extreme power'. Emotions, expressed through music." she explained at his puzzled look. "It has always existed, since the beginning of time. The wind over the landscape, the waves against the shore, eventually, birds started singing, and humans learned from them."

"That is considered an element?"

"A spiritual one, yes. My 'element' in such a category as you may be more familiar with is fire. However, I am fairly close to the others as well. More so than most others."

He could only stare at her in awe.

"So you love singing?"

"Music in general, yes. I was always discouraged from singing aloud by my parents, so I stopped when I was little." _I always wanted to perform onstage, though. Yes I like performing with my flute in band, but that was never my dream._

She didn't seem to realize he could hear her thoughts, too.

He reached out and gently cupped her face in his hand. "You sing beautifully and don't you dare let anyone ever tell you otherwise." The truth of his statement was echoed in his thoughts. Her eyes widened, and she blinked.

_His hand's so warm...and he's so serious. He's actually complimenting me!_

He couldn't help leaning in...his gaze never leaving hers. He could see her cheeks reddening, see her blink in shock and alarm, and he pulled back.

She wasn't ready for that yet. She didn't know him, or trust him, enough for that yet. _Damnit I could've blown everything...I can't risk that._

He stood and stared out at the lake, ignoring her thoughts and emotions as best he could.

The waves of disappointment were hard to ignore, however. Somehow she still managed to blame herself.

_Who could ever really love me?_ ran through her mind repeatedly. Severus sighed.

_Are you crazy?_ He thundered. _Lots of people do!_

_No._

"Then what do you call all those boys chasing you around? What am I?" he snarled, furious now. And scared. The way she thought...it was almost like she'd been...

_They want power and money. Nothing else. Not the real me. Everyone who got to know the real me left me._

_ What about your family?_

She laughed, a cold, dry, humorless laugh. _They never cared._

Severus knelt beside her. "If we're going to make anything work, we need to be able to trust each other-to always be there, no matter what. I know this is a shock, I know it hasn't been very long, and I'm clearly not the man of your dreams, but...for some reason, this happened to us. We could ignore it...but it would be difficult and painful for both of us. I'm leaving this up to you."

Rose stared at him, again, in shock. "But...!" she protested.

He took that as meaning that she didn't want him around and stood to leave.

_If you meant any of what you just said, why the hell are you walking away?_ She demanded in his head.

He looked back. _I didn't think that meant 'but' in a 'let's stay together and make this work' sort of way._

_It did..._ she sighed, yet again. _There's only so much I can tell you right now..._

_ Anything is better than nothing, as long as it's true._ He replied. "We can go talk in my rooms if that's more comfortable." he offered.

_I like being outside, but it is getting cold._ She stood easily, gracefully, and followed him down to the dungeons. He lit a fire in the hearth, and set out two cups of hot chocolate, sensing her lack of interest in tea. It wasn't that she didn't like it, just that it wasn't common in the way she'd grown up.

Finally, he sat down across from her as she sipped the hot beverage, murmuring a quiet thanks for the luxuries.

Setting the cup down, she focused her gaze on it, tracing the patterns engraved on it with her fingers as she spoke softly.

"The majority of it is not a happy story...Yes, I know what happiness is, and have had some of it, but not as much as maybe a normal child would have."

Severus had expected this much, and merely nodded.

Rose took a deep breath. "Most of my background is probably wrong, but this is the story I grew up with."

"I was always told my mother had died of cancer when I was two. Ever since I can remember, I've been terrified of hospitals. Medicine rarely, if ever, works on me, and I hate it. I'll be sick for months before I'll willingly take medicine for it. My dad remarried a little over a year after my mom's death, and nine months later, I had a half-brother. James is five years younger than me, and annoying. I guess that's normal for siblings, though. My stepmom never let me play with him, hold him, and forbid me to have anything to do with him. Same for her three cats. I love cats, though, so I would always steal time to pet them and play with them. She refused to pick me up, hug me, touch me, or love me in any way. She taught James that I was some disgusting low-life creature, and once he was old enough, he started beating me up. I was never allowed to fight back, and always the one who got in trouble for anything either of us did." She paused for breath, and he knew the worst was yet to come. "In school, my only friends moved away when we were nine. My stepmom refused to let us keep in touch. I lost them. My only remaining friends didn't get to know me that well. The one that seemed to, I found out later, was merely using me to get what she wanted-popularity. I left her when we were eleven. I'd never gotten much to eat, but I found one friend who was willing to listen to me, and she worried about how skinny I was. When I told her how much I ate, she started sharing food with me. I felt horrible, like a beggar, so I abandoned her. I don't think she ever realized why-that I could never pay her back. Just like I can never pay anyone back. I have nothing of my own."

"What about your father?" Severus asked.

"He may have cared, to start out with. I can't remember any happy times between us. Even board games usually ended with him swearing at me and storming off. I think I've cried myself to sleep more nights than not. Eventually the games stopped. Saying good night, I love you, kisses, being tucked in, are vague memories to me, of privileges I lost as a young girl. I don't even know why I lost them."

Severus remembered what had happened to him after Lily died, and how much he'd hated Harry. He could almost understand both her parents. A child of someone you loved and someone else would always be painful, as would be losing someone you loved. Reminders would be unwelcome.

He could feel sadness and grief stirring in her heart.

"I suppose you should know..." she began, then left off. She was blushing, and almost crying. But she refused to finish.

"Know what?" he prompted her.

"Nothing." she replied.

_I'll tell you that later._

_When you trust me more._

She shrugged. _That's one way of putting it._

Looking up, she fixed him with her cool, level stare. "What about you?"


	8. Chapter 8: Sharing Painful Memories: Par

**A/N: Dedicated to my beta Azzie(Inkfire) for looking this over for me! :D  
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Learning to Love:

Chapter Eight: Sharing Painful Memories: 1:

"What about me?" Severus asked, confused.

"I've talked enough." Rose replied pointedly.

_If I'm going to trust him, I need to know he trusts me._

That made sense. Severus internally cursed himself for not seeing this coming. She was intelligent enough to pull something like this.

"It's not a happy story."

"I figured." She paused. "You're always quiet." He looked up, startled. _She saw past my mask even before this bond?_

Rose nodded. "I knew you were like me. Every time you gave someone detention, there was a reason, and it was fair. Maybe not in terms of what they did then, but everything they do to you and your house outside of class. Forcing them to tolerate you should have taught them against discrimination. But it hasn't, not yet." She looked up and met his gaze. "I could see the way you stared off into space when everyone else thought you were spying on us. I saw the way you never ate much, and always hid in the shadows, like someone would attack you at any moment. I see the way Professor Dumbledore looks out for and defends you. I'm not blind. If he cares for you that much, surely you have some good in you."

Severus sat there, dumbfounded. This girl...was something else.

_I loved you before the bond._ His eyes widened, and he shot her a look. She was staring into the fire, lost in thoughts that, for once, he couldn't hear.

Sighing, he leaned back. "You're right. I'm a half-blood. My father didn't know my mother was a witch until after they were married and she had me. My accidental magic was what revealed her secret. Always, after that, he hated us. We weren't exactly well off to begin with, not on our own. But my mother was descended from a noble family, and her parents paid for everything. My mother told me once that back then, we lived with her family. I was too little to remember when my father found out about our magic, but that night he packed us up and moved us out to Spinner's End. He forbade my mother from contacting the wizarding world, and we lost everything but one run-down house and each other. My father went into drinking and never held a job for long. He took his anger out on us."

Rose listened quietly, shielding her thoughts and judgments from him until he finished. He could see tears in her eyes and knew it was affecting her. Hesitantly, he reached out and touched her shoulder, resting his hand there. She didn't react, but he felt a sense of peace coming from her, and he slipped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her against his side. She trusted him enough now to allow it, leaning against him without a word.


	9. Chapter 9: Hope

**A/N: Thanks to my beta Azzie for looking this over for me! I hope to get back on more regular updates from now on, but I also realize that something comes up every time I say that :/ So thank you readers for sticking with me! **

Learning to Love:

Chapter Nine: Hope:

The unlikely pair sat staring into the dying flames for a long time before Severus stirred slightly. He glanced over at Rose, realizing that her mind had grown quiet, and noted that she had indeed fallen asleep on his shoulder—and as he moved, her head slipped until it was ready to fall, which would undoubtedly wake her. Sighing softly, he shifted her gently so that she slept with her head in his lap once more, and watched amusedly as she reassumed her position from before, curling up against his side contentedly. _Almost like a cat. _Although he did not harbor any positive feelings towards the animals, he thought Rose's gesture sweet and innocent.

_She needs a place to rest, well, it doesn't bother me too much._ he admitted to himself. The girl was usually quiet, and such outbursts of grief like the past day were rare. Once one held in their emotions for that long, both positive and negative, those emotions mixed together to form a darkness stronger than any magic, which, unless released, would spoil a soul from the inside out. He was just glad Rose had escaped such a fate, even if it meant him having to play the part of her pillow for the rest of his life.

He waited patiently until he dozed off, thoughts swirling around his head that refused to be quieted—so he simply shoved them into a dark corner of his mind in order to rest. Eventually, he opened his eyes to complete darkness. The fire had gone out, and Rose's small form was shuddering against him, both from the cold and, as he swam up towards consciousness, he realized she was having a nightmare. It was so traumatizing for her he could not get a full picture, just pain and fear and a man's voice, rough and angry. That alone scared him, and he shook the young teen's shoulder frantically.

"Rose! Rose! Wake up!" he hissed desperately. Tears covered her face, as he saw once he relit the fire, letting the warmth seep across the room towards her as he focused solely on waking the poor girl.

She finally stirred after a minute or two, shuddering in fear. It took another few minutes to make her calm down, but once she did, he sat waiting quietly. He knew better than to ask. She would tell him what she was comfortable with him knowing in her own time.

"It was similar for me. My dad always blamed me for my mom's death, my stepmom never liked me much, and I spent a lot of time alone. I did everything alone, almost. Except for my friends. But there was only so much they could do for me. I didn't eat, I couldn't sleep. I still have nightmares. I ran away from home once, but that only made things worse." She drifted off into thought once more, and the only thing he could do was sit with her and offer silent comfort. Severus understood her need for peace well. Whereas his tale was so long ago it had become easy to tell, as the details and pain faded over the years, her scars were raw and fresh, possibly still bleeding. It would take much more effort on her part to talk, and then to heal.

But it was possible. He had hope on his side.


End file.
